No Touching!
Pour a shot of any alcohol of your choosing. Place it on the table in front of you. Grab your hands behind you back, place your mouth over the shot glass and lift, drinking it without using your hands.
The Franklin
Pour 1/2 shot of Kahlua into a shot glass. Using the back of a spoon, carefully layer 1/2 shot of Godiva White Chocolate Liqueur on top. Sing “It ain’t easy bein’ white (chocolate), it ain’t easy bein’ brown (coffee)” and shoot.
Afternoon Delight Brownie
Pour one shot of Godiva Chocolate Liqueur. Add a few drops (your discretion) of Green Dragon (or substitute an herbal liquor like Chartreuse, Galliano or Jager).
The Chicken Dance
1 shot Wild Turkey 101, served alongside a fried chicken wing. Dance and make a chicken noise as you drink.
The Never Nude
In a shot glass, pour in 1/4 shot Blue Curacao. Using the back of a spoon, carefully layer 3/4 shot vodka on top. Share with dozens of your friends.
The Buster
Mix 1 part fruit punch with 1 part sweet red boxed wine. Serve in a tumblr with a straw, or in a sippy cup. It’s off the hook!
There’s Always Money in the Banana Stand
1 oz shot Goldschlager, 2 oz 99 Bananas. Shake in a cocktail shaker full of ice for 10 seconds. Strain into a double shot glass. Light on fire. Yell “He’s a flamer!”, blow out, and shoot.
I Just Blue Myself
Pour one shot of Blue Curaco and one of Hpnotiq into a collins glass. Top with soda and stir. For added effect, add 2 drops of blue food coloring and drink from a blue straw.
The
TrickIllusionMake a pun about fire. Gesture dramatically and pour a shot of Everclear on your companion. Then yell “But where did the lighter fluid come from?!”
The Cornballer
Put a heat proof glass with one tablespoon of water in the microwave for 5 minutes. Take out and rim with crushed up Fritos. Add 2 shots of corn whiskey. Try not to burn your fingers.
The GOB
Fill a rocks glass of Everclear straight up, drunk quickly. When finished, look horrified and say “I’ve made a huge mistake.”
Hot Ham Water
Open a can of spam. Squeeze out all of the water from the spam into a bowl. Put in microwave for 3 minutes. Mix with equal parts vodka.
Perfect. A few additions from me:
The Stair Car
Two shots brandy, one shot cointreau, splash of lime juice, and if anyone manages to jump up on your back you have to give them a piggyback ride until you finish it. You’re gonna get hop ons.
The Wee Britain
Glass of single malt scotch, with a single candy bean at the bottom. Watch out for the Poppins.
The Tunnel Of Love Indubitably
Pink lemonade with vodka added to it, poured into a jacuzzi-sized wide-rimmed glass. Don’t have a heart attack.
I’ve played instruments you can’t even imagine. I’ve played the doubleharp (two harps duct taped together). I’ve played a man’s corpse like a bagpipe. I’ve played a xylophone - FROM TEN MILES AWAY, hurling sticks at it with great precision. You have no idea the things I’ve done to instruments. I once fucked a tuba. I’m just saying.
Video games don’t face this constraint. They have a singular ability to depict how many ways it is possible for things to go wrong. As a player, you are forced to either inhabit the skin of a character who strives and fails over and over again. Seeing how hard it is for a character to get by lets us experience another person’s life at a deeper level than traditional media forms permit. The character’s experience and the players’ are not identical, but drawing them down similar paths creates new kinds of empathy. (via Born to Lose – The New Inquiry)
I finally found a home for my essay on video game narratives, and the way that failure should be treated within the medium. It took me six months of reworking it to take out the long Borges quote this originally started with, which just goes to show that writing and video games have more in common than we usually acknowledge in re: failure loops.
I.
Nobody got promoted before
They were eight years old.
Ender wasn’t even seven yet
The school provides everything you need
Ten billion, a hundred billion
A million billion
I’ve got a pretty good idea what children are
And we aren’t childrenDo I wiggle my butt when I walk
II.
Rose de Nose
Jewboy extraordinaire
Where he went there was more crying
Not less
III.
Mother Petra she talking
she talking, she talking
Shit talking, shit talking!
Quite a few laughed
IV.I want to see your fart collection
I stored it in your locker
Didn’t you see?V.
Naked, he was about to climb into bed
when Bonzo came toward him.
His face hard and set.
A bigger-than-lifesize picture of male genitals
Which waggled back and forth
I’ve never done this before
He put new touches on the patterns
Made the boys try the maneuvers with one leg
Frozen, with both legs frozen
Or using frozen boys for leverage
How does a boy who spends his time like this win battles?
His body relaxing almost completely
So that his hands and arms almost seemed to be caught
Obviously we can now control gravity
And think how starships could move near planets
So they’re watching me
And what we’re doing is known
If you’re just farting around
You’re out
A tattoo that should have lasted forever. Sad.
every cave is a man cave, if you accept that stalagmites & stalactites are essentially huge white geo-dicks thrusting manfully at the dark
[video]
[video]
Anhedonia
Like the day after mushrooms
I cannot unsee the combat jugglers on the Michigan quad
OK I take back what I said about poetry
