The Invention of Mattress Day
“Can anyone tell me what Mattress Day is?” a classroom computer prompted Gus.
Gus typed. “Mattress Day is the combination of Labor Day and Memorial Day. It’s like how we used to celebrate Lincoln and Washington’s birthdays and now we just have President’s Day. Mattress Day replaced Labor Day because the labor movement is too controversial. Mattress Day replaced Memorial Day because everyone forgot what it meant. Mattresses are a comfortable thing. Everyone likes mattresses.”
“Great job, Gus,” said the computer. “Enjoy your reward cake.” Gus obediently ate his reward cake, as he was want to do three times a day. Everyone knew eating cake was good for the country because fat people contributed more to the economy than thin people. Gus looked forward to the day he got diabetes because the trips to the doctors and dependence on insulin boosted the GDP. Some kids already had diabetes in his class, but Gus knew if he tried hard enough, he would one day, too. One day he hoped to be big enough to walk with a cane like his Mom, or live all day in bed like his Dad.
If you lived in bed, you got discounts on mattresses. Not just on Mattress Day, but every day.
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